aisokuthx

London Expo was fun. I bought lots of random hentai and saw lots of awesome people. Stayed at Paige's, which was fun, ate lots of pasta and lol'd at her because she's a jew. :D I'm glad me and her are good friends now, I've missed her random sense of humour, and her gerbils are adorable! I wants some now, ugh...

So I went to my doctor and CPN, who said that they are increasing the dosage of medication that I have to take. Ugh, great. It seems as if making me feel like a zombie isn't good enough for them. >.< I have tried taking my medication at night but I still feel the effects in the morning and I don't get much sleep at all; maybe 2 or 3 hours a night. It is so frustrating, because there is no-one I can talk to to keep myself occupied. I sit there, trying to read, watching TV or whatever and nothing seems to work. The bad thing about it is I have to start work on Monday and it's gonna kill me. If I didn't start work on Monday, my boss was prepared to begin dismissal procedures and I'd lose my job, even though they can't fire me, because I'm ill. Fuck you.

How I miss social interaction.

So it was my birthday on Thursday, and it was a fucking failure. No-one made any real effort on Thursday to make my day special, I was given money and once again, I was told to go out. I felt so low, but you have to make yourself look happy because you don't want to bring anyone else down with you, that's not fair. I was gonna go out on Friday, but my friends decided to cancel at the last minute, and something happened with Gemma which I'm really upset about.

Ahhh, Gemma. Where would I be without her? She has helped me so much over the past month or so, I really do care for her. She is the most important person in my life and I'd do anything to make her happy. I don't know anyone else who would put up with my random mood changes and whatever, she's like, wow. xD I want to let myself fall in love with her, I really do. I know that, romantically, I will be very happy with her, I feel really comfortable with her and I can tell her everything. I worry about her too much sometimes, I was so upset last night and I didn't get much sleep at all, I kept on blaming myself. Ugh.

I'm sitting here listening to a Billy Daniel Bunter set from B2T, which I saw him play live and I want to go out and dance.

Hello LiveJournal!!

I dreamt about her again... I dreamt that we met, she showed me how her life was now, and by the end of it she asked to see me again because she missed me. I woke up, and am still feeling, very nostalgic but also kinda upset. I want this to end, so badly, but it's not happening, even though we're both completely different people now. Why won't it stop? Ugh. >_< Stupid girl.

Working in Birmingham County Court is amazing, I love it! <3 The work is easy, the pay is good, what more could you ask for? ;D Also, because it being situated in Birmingham city centre, getting there is easy and I have lots to see during my lunch break.

I'm visiting my friend in Istanbul in November, I can't wait. I really want to go, I love how it looks, the city itself looks beautiful, but I have been told life there is very basic and I won't like it at all, but I guess there's only one way to find out! :D It's only costing me £144 as well... lol, awesomeeee!

My life is usually very uneventful so I don't know what to write about... sorry! This will be one of my last emo posts, I should stop boring whoever is reading this!

I dreamt about you again last night.

I hate feeling like this, I am so confused. I want to go back to the summer of 2007, where we had first met and everything was so perfect. You were cute and I was happy.

I don't know whether I love you or hate you for making me feel this way...

I haven't updated this in a while, sorry LiveJournal. :(

Well, what can I say... erm...

Oh, I've got a new job now, I work in Birmingham County Court, doing filing all day! xD The work's not much but the pay is fantastic! So, I'm very happy with that. Still trying to sort out problems with my previous employer regarding the wages that I never received... but apart from that, there are no problems regarding employment for once, which is a change!! Good times!!

I realised recently that I still miss her, ugh. >.< I started thinking about things on Friday night and I haven't been able to stop. :( Not good! I need to stop thinking about that and move on, but it's so difficult... I've been speaking to her recently and we've been getting along really well, which has made me happy. :D And I've started watching FMA... ugh. D:

Travelling is fun, I've been doing a lot of that recently. :) I love trains, they're so awesome!! <3 I'm still undecided about my favourite journey to work, but I'm sure I'll figure that out eventually!

My new favourite lemonade is R Whites - that stuff is amazing. ASDA sell two bottles for £1.50 which makes me so happy!

I need a cigarette, so I'm gonna finish writing and go and find one, somehow! Byeeee~

I feel as if I'm going crazy. :(

I'm being ignored. Rii owes me money, but she is refusing to contact me when she knows how important it is, considering I don't get paid for another few weeks. It's not the fact that she owes me money, it's the fact that she's simply refusing to acknowledge my existence when she said she wants to be friends. I know she might find things difficult or whatever, but all she has to do is reply to a text or to drop the money off with my mum, but she won't.

I didn't get any sleep last night and my boss has already warned me about 'looking like a mess' when I go into work.

Fuck this, I don't know what to do. I don't wanna feel like this anymore. :'(

I feel so fucking lonely. :(

Rii left me yesterday, for good, after like 2 years of being with her... she decided that she's definitely happier being on her own. She still loves me, but she can't be with me because she was never excited about seeing me, or about our future. She wants to do everything on her own, which hurts me so much, but there's nothing I can do. I would do everything in my power to make her want me, but it's not going to happen. This is it.

I'm going to be so lonely this weekend, I'm sitting here trying not to cry again because I miss her, and everyone else. I want someone to take me away so I don't have to think about my problems here.

I need someone...

The past week has been kind-of amazing. I've learnt so much about myself, I love it. :D

I saw Rii on Wednesday which was amazing as usual, she's so pretty! I made her cheesecake and we both ate it then we went to Tesco and I bought waffles. X3 She's been camping this weekend, so I miss her so much. Haven't heard from her in a few days, ugh... >.< However I am seeing her on Tuesday, I can't wait!

My new job is absolutely fantastic; busy, but fantastic. My boss said he has no complaints about me yet and I've picked up on everything really well which makes me feel great. 3 hours of constant typing however is kinda hard, oh dear... More about this soon, however!

I'm so tired, ugh... Only had 3 hours of sleep this weekend. >.< However, it was worth it. I went to this fucking awesome drum and bass / jungle rave yesterday. DJ Hype ftw! He started his set at 2am and went on until 3:30 which was great, I've never danced so much in my life! xD I loved every minute of it, even though the drinks were very expensive. I've realised now that I'm starting to dislike using the Internet all day, I prefer going out, dancing, listening to loud music and generally being a lot more social now. I think I'm growing up. =D ---> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=arBqsokasCE Sorry about the quality! I can't wait for my next rave, Micky pussyclart Finn! <33

I realised this morning that I drink wayyy~ too much and now my body is beginning to hate me. I really need to sort this out & I'm sorry to anyone who had to put up with my drunk texts. xD Poor you!

Sooo the past week has been eventful; I lost my job as an administrator in a cleaning company and became a legal administrator in a solicitors' 3 days after. The arguement between me and my former boss was quite amusing, apparently I'm incredibly lazy and the only thing I'll do for the rest of my life is sponge of the government. Yeah, that's why I can just walk into jobs! 8D I can't wait to start this new job on Monday. It's 3 days a week, 9 to 5 which isn't bad at all imo, it means I can watch Jeremy Kyle 2 days a week, fun! :3

So I'm looking forward to starting my job and Gem is coming to Birmingham soon, which should be fun! I'm gonna try not to drink until then, which is going to be hard, but my body will begin to love me again if I do. =D

I haven't updated this in a few days, sorry LJ. :(

Well, the past few days have been eventful. Me and Rii have been arguing since Friday about something that went too far, but it affected us majorly until yesterday. We talked everything through and I found out where I was going wrong and where I had to change to make her happy. It's all the little things really, like not being so judgemental sometimes, which I guess is fair enough really. I don't mind, I love her so much, and she's sexy~ x3 ANYWAY

Work isn't too bad recently. I'm losing my job soon due to redundancy, even though I feel I could have done more to make myself more of an asset to the company. Oh well. Maybe I'll go back to college... I'm not too sure yet. I don't like having too much responsibility you see. ;) I haven't told my mum yet, she's gonna hate me. :( Ugh...

I've been thinking about my friends recently too. I think it's funny how they stop talking to me randomly, then start again as if nothing's happened. :/ It's like they don't make any effort to find out how I am or whatever, even though I try to make conversation with them every day. I've put a stop to that starting from yesterday, to see if they actually notice.

The Expo's next week. I guess I'm looking forward to it...

Last night was rly fun, I went to a party with Mimo and got considerably drunk. :3 Good times! The only problem was I think I gave someone a certain impression when I didn't mean to. >.< Maybe I'm just paranoid, but I don't want things toturn awkward between us.

So yes, I've had about 2 hours sleep, so I need some more before I pass out again!

I'm sick of being made out to be an awful person when all I do is try to help and to understand.

Fuck, I'm kinda upset. >.<

The weather this weekend has been amazing, I love it. I've been taking walks on my own, while listening to the Spirited Away OST. It's so romantic, I love it... I don't wanna go back to work but I know I have to. :( Oh well.

I wanna spend my day off tomorrow eating ice-cream and watching random anime movies, which means I need to go out and buy some ice-cream. Any suggestions? x3

I love feeling like this. <3 *sigh* And it's London Expo time sooon~! Yay!

Dead or Alive 4 is kinda hard. >.<

People should stop worrying about this flu business. D:

I need to finish watching Lucky Star... D:

Hm...

Today has been interesting. My trains of thought have been the same, I keep on thinking about how much I want to leave and how badly I want to learn how to drive. I want to drive to get away from everything, to free my mind.

I don't think I've had time to myself properly where I can think about everything. Maybe I should take some time out to go travelling to discover new things. I dunno.

Rii makes me happy. So, so happy. I realised today how much I missed her when we wasn't together, she is literally perfect. I know it seems silly but after more than 2 years I still get butterflies in my stomach when I think about when I'm going to see her next. She is amazing and being in her arms is the only thing I look forward to.